Should You Ask for a Reference in Your Resignation Letter?
Why You Should Think Twice About Including the Request Let’s not bury the lead here—asking for a reference in your resignation letter is a delicate maneuver. While it might seem efficient to kill two birds with one stone, this approach can backfire if not handled with care. Imagine this scenario: your boss is caught off-guard by your resignation, and now, in the same breath, you’re asking them to vouch for you? For some managers, this can feel like adding salt to the wound.
However, in situations where your departure is on good terms, asking for a reference might actually be a smart move. It shows confidence, initiative, and an understanding of career dynamics. You’re simply formalizing what is often an informal expectation.
The Right Timing and How to Navigate It Timing is everything. If you’ve had an open dialogue with your manager about your career plans, asking for a reference in your resignation letter may not come as a shock. But if your resignation comes as a surprise, it might feel too abrupt to ask for something as significant as a reference immediately. In cases like this, you might want to hold off and make the request in a follow-up conversation.
Think about this: you’ve just told your boss you’re leaving, but you also need them to reflect on your performance positively. How you frame this request matters. Consider adding a sentence that acknowledges the nature of your departure, like: “I understand this may be an unexpected time to request this, but I would greatly value a reference from you as I pursue new opportunities.” This shows sensitivity while still being direct.
Should You Even Ask at All? There’s a strong argument to be made for not including the reference request in your resignation letter at all. Why? Because the resignation letter serves a specific function—to notify your employer formally that you’re leaving. Mixing this with a request for a reference can dilute the message. It can also make it seem like your primary concern is your future, rather than closing the current chapter in a professional manner.
Instead, many career experts recommend handling the resignation and reference request as two separate conversations. First, submit your resignation letter. Then, in the days or weeks that follow, request a reference. This approach feels less transactional and more respectful of the relationship you’ve built with your employer.
What If Your Employer Says No? This is the tricky part. Asking for a reference in your resignation letter puts pressure on your employer to respond immediately, and not all employers will be ready to offer a glowing review on the spot. Some may need time to process the situation, while others may decline for various reasons—perhaps they don’t feel comfortable giving a reference due to company policy, or maybe your working relationship wasn’t as strong as you thought.
If the employer declines, it can make an already uncomfortable situation even more awkward. That’s why many people choose to request a reference only after they’ve received feedback on their resignation. This way, you avoid putting your employer on the spot.
How to Ask for a Reference (If You Choose to Include It) If you’ve weighed the pros and cons and decided to go ahead with the request in your resignation letter, it’s crucial to be as tactful as possible. Here’s how to phrase it:
1. Acknowledge the situation
Start by acknowledging the fact that you’re resigning, but keep the tone positive and future-focused. For example:
“As I move forward in my career, I would greatly appreciate it if you would consider being a reference for me in future roles.”
2. Show Gratitude
Always express gratitude for the time and experiences you’ve had in the role. This can soften the blow of the resignation and set the stage for a positive reference.
“I am incredibly grateful for the opportunities and learning experiences I’ve had here, and I would be honored if you could speak to my performance as I look to new opportunities.”
3. Keep it Professional
Even if you have a friendly relationship with your boss, your resignation letter is a formal document. Be sure to maintain a professional tone throughout, especially when requesting a reference.
Is It Common to Ask for a Reference in a Resignation Letter? It’s not uncommon, but it’s certainly not the norm. Most professionals choose to keep these two conversations separate for the reasons we’ve discussed. The resignation letter is primarily a tool for notifying your employer of your departure, while a reference request is typically handled in person or over email after the fact.
However, in industries where relationships are particularly close-knit or informal, it might be more acceptable to combine the two. It’s all about understanding your company culture and your relationship with your employer.
When NOT to Ask for a Reference in Your Resignation Letter There are some clear-cut situations where asking for a reference in your resignation letter is a bad idea:
If you’re leaving on bad terms
If there’s tension between you and your employer, or if your departure is due to unresolved conflicts, asking for a reference can feel out of place and even antagonistic. It’s better to skip the request entirely and look for references elsewhere, perhaps from colleagues or previous employers.If you’re resigning abruptly
In cases where you’re giving little notice, or the resignation is sudden, your employer may already feel blindsided. Adding a reference request could make the situation more stressful for them.If your company has strict policies on references
Some companies have policies that prohibit managers from giving references, often out of fear of legal repercussions. In these cases, it’s better to know the company’s stance before making the request.
Final Thoughts So, should you ask for a reference in your resignation letter? The answer is nuanced. It depends on your relationship with your employer, the company culture, and how your resignation is being received. If you’re unsure, it’s usually safer to wait and ask for the reference after your resignation has been formally accepted. But if you feel confident in your relationship with your employer, and the timing feels right, there’s nothing wrong with including the request in your resignation letter—as long as it’s done tactfully.
The key is to be respectful and professional, while also making sure your request doesn’t overshadow the purpose of your resignation letter. Whatever you decide, always approach the situation with care, and remember that maintaining a positive relationship with your employer—even as you leave—is crucial for your career down the line.
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